10
Mar 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 10

midweekthoughts

It’s raining today. You know what I like about rain? IT’S NOT SNOW! When mid-March comes along and it’s in the 40s and 50s outside it’s always such a relief. So yay for rain! It makes the snow disappear faster anyway.

I saw something startling outside work today. Apparently someone found a box, painted it red and attached it to wheels. They then passed it off as a “car” to some unsuspecting chump.

boxcar

Sometimes I wonder what my nieces and nephew are going to think when they’re old enough to use Facebook and they see all those pictures of themselves when they were babies, toddlers and little kids.

I’ve seen a few baby pictures of myself. There are probably a few more I haven’t seen. All in all, I’m guessing there’s less than fifty in existence. But in this modern day and age when digital cameras make it all so easy, parents and relatives take hundreds if not thousands of pictures of children.

It’s a different world now.


09
Mar 10

Welcome to the Men’s Room

urinals

The men’s room can be a scary place. I once witnessed four or five guys in a row walk out of the men’s room without washing their hands at East Towne Mall in Madison, Wisconsin. To make it even grosser, a couple of those guys were walking out of stalls. And to make it grosser yet, it was the men’s room next to the food court, so there’s a good chance those dudes were about to eat.

The men’s room is a rather unpleasant place and I usually try to get out of there as quickly as possible. Urinating in front of a urinal flanked by guys on each side doing the same is just… awkward for me. Of course, it’s a little better when a men’s room actually has a partition between each urinal. I think all men’s rooms should have partitions. In fact, maybe they should make it a federal law.

Yep, I’ve been in a lot of disgusting men’s rooms in my time. The ones in Kentucky were pretty gross. The ones in New York City were the worst ever. But I have to say, that one night when I stranded at O’Hare airport in Chicago, the men’s room was totally spotless and clean during the dead of night. I guess that was the only upside to being at that airport for 14 hours straight.

Anyway, it may seem germophobic, but I like to grab a piece of paper towel and hold it while touching the door in the men’s room. Maybe that thin little paper towel doesn’t actually help much, but it makes me feel better.


08
Mar 10

Nail Clippers

nail-clipper

Nail clippers are amazing. They are much easier to use for nail clipping than say a pocket knife or a hacksaw. And it’s pretty much impossible to lose a finger to a nail clipper!

Can you imagine what life was like before nail clippers existed? It must’ve been absolutely horrible! If I ever invent a time machine, I am going to go back in time and take nail clippers  with me. The people would marvel! They would celebrate! They would have banquets in my honour! My place would be forever etched in the annals of history as the “time traveling nail clipper guy.”

I bet I’ve purchased fifty or more nail clippers in my lifetime. I tend to lose the little buggers, and when I really need one, I can’t find one. I know you might be thinking “nail clippers aren’t thaaat important.” But lemme tell you something, Buster Brown, you’re going to change your tune the next time you have a hangnail!


07
Mar 10

A Parking Lot Tale

l_4258dac68f126bc624eb67d48bdd8942

Today while pulling into Piggly Wiggly, I got stuck behind a car waiting for another car to back out so he could pull into the parking spot close to the store. Unfortunately, the car backing out was apparently nervous about the crowding behind his car and backed out very very slowly.

Meanwhile, I’m waiting and waiting, and I finally decide to go around the car but I have to drive in the wrong lane to do so. But suddenly there was another car coming from the other direction which I hadn’t initially seen, and we had to squeeze past each other very tightly. This all happened because some idiot wanted a parking spot as close as possible to the store, even though there were plenty of open spots just slightly further down.

The reason for accidents and just bad driving in general comes down to people being selfish and unaware of the other cars on the road. (Or in this case, the parking lot.) If people would pay attention to the cars in front of them, behind them, and on each side, traffic would flow better and there would be less accidents. (And road rage.) So to all the drivers out there, try not to get so caught up in what you’re doing or where you’re going that you forget to pay attention to everyone else.

Personally, I like to park a good distance away when I go places. There are usually less cars down on the end which means it’s much less likely that someone will scratch my car. It’s also a lot easier to pull out, and I get a nice little walk in addition to the other benefits. If you haven’t tried it, I encourage you to do so.


06
Mar 10

World’s First Compostable Chip Bag

When I was a kid my mom always had a compost heap out back. It seemed odd the way she’d gather all her fruit and vegetable remnants in a big bowl and then take it out to the backyard and dump it on the big heap of disgusting natural garbage. One thing I can say for certain is that I never saw a chip bag in her compost, but that could change today.

sunchips

Frito-Lay is now packaging their Sun Chips in 100% compostable bags. The bags are somehow made of vegetables, although you’d probably never guess it if you held the bag in your hands. The packaging feels much thinner and it’s much LOUDER when you handle it. The bag rustles a lot, which could end up causing trouble for kids trying to sneak chips before dinner. Heh heh.

sunchips1

I think this is a pretty cool idea. If they can reduce the amount of garbage in our landfills, I’m all for it. Hopefully Frito-Lay will roll out this compostable packaging for all their chip brands. And it would be great if the other snack manufacturers followed suit.

By the way, in case you were wondering, the new packaging does not affect the flavor of the chips.

sunchips2


05
Mar 10

Soft Things

pillows

First of all, I want to clear one thing up. The nasty rumour, started by me about myself, that I no longer have anything to write about in my blog is completely an unequivocally false. I have lots of interesting things to write about and will continue to do so no matter what I say about myself! *glares at self*

Now today I want to talk to you about a topic very near and dear to my heart. That topic is soft things.

Soft things are wonderful. Soft things make the world a better place. I like to lay my head on soft things at night.  Soft things are great for hitting people with as you can get let out your aggression without hurting anyone. In fact, the act of smacking each other several times with soft things until feathers start flying has been known to be quite enjoyable in some circles.

Here is a brief list of some of my favourite soft things:

Pillows

Hoodies

Marshmallows

Fruit Snacks

Recliners

Beds

Office Chairs

Squishy Toys

Oh, yeah and…

and…

and…

YOUR FACE!


04
Mar 10

My Regrets

regret

For the most part, I’m pretty happy with my life. I have to be honest though, I do have a few regrets.

I regret eating that last pack of fruit snacks yesterday and forgetting to buy more. Oh how I would love some delicious fruit snacks.

I regret only buying two bottles of vitaminwater this morning.

I regret watching Gigli a few years back.

I regret that time I dropped a pizza in the mop bucket when I was a teenager. That was a very sad accident.

I regret that time I dropped my laptop.

I regret that other time I dropped my laptop.

I regret trying parsnips.

I regret that time I accidentally took a swig of goats’ milk. *gag*

I regret buying a few CDs… which shall remain nameless.

I regret spending thousands of dollars on computers. Oh wait, no I don’t! *grin*


03
Mar 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 9

midweekthoughts

Welcome to Midweek Thoughts – Part 9! That’s right, this is already the 9th installment. How time flies.

According to a recent Washington Post article, the United States Postal Service is set to announce “significant changes” soon. Among these changes are, no Saturday delivery, higher postage costs, and slower mail service.  The Postal Service lost $3.8 billion last year. But the good news is they commissioned three studies to the tune of $4.8 million to figure out why they’re not profitable.

Let’s see, the mail volume is constantly dropping, you’re losing billions of dollars a year, so what do you do? Spend 4.8 million dollars on “studies” of course! Sheesh, that sounds like something a government agency would do.

It’s March now. Soon the weather in Wisconsin will warm up to a nice and toasty 40 or 50 degrees. The birds will be singing, the kids will be playing, and the guys will be walking around in their shorts. Personally, I intend to go for a lot of walks in an attempt to get rid of some of this winter blubber. *grabs belly*

Now I’d like to say a few words about colds. I do not like colds! Sure, cold viruses may be pretty but they’re not very friendly. (Seriously, if you look at them under a microscope they’re sorta neat looking.) I don’t like coughing, having a runny nose, a sore throat and having to sleep 14 hours a day. (Err, actually I kinda like that last one.) So colds, in the future just stay out of my life! You’re not welcome in my body!


02
Mar 10

Grocery Shopping

I sort of like grocery shopping. I mean on some levels it’s fun, but on the other hand, I always seem to forget something. Sure I could make a grocery list, but I usually forget to put a few things on the grocery list anyway, so what’s the point?

My two parents each had vastly different grocery shopping styles. My mom was very health conscious and would buy nutritious foods. Most of the time she’d buy Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast and it was only on rare occasions that we got the tasty kids cereals. Things like American cheese were pretty much forbidden in our house, and mom absolutely hated soda.

Of course, I have seven siblings and most of us were finicky eaters, so when my mom would find something that we would all actually eat, she’d make it over and over and over again.

I think there was a time when we had chicken breast three or four nights a week. I also remember a period where hamburgers were frequently prepared. We had hamburgers so often that people would visit our home and say, “Your house smells like hamburgers.”

But sometimes my mom got a little funny about food. I know for a while she kept trying to serve oatmeal for dinner, and only my dad would eat it. I also recall one time when she served mashed potatoes and frozen pizza for dinner. That was… weird. Oh and she loved making tomato soup – lots and lots and lots of tomato soup. Sometimes she served toast with it.

Us kids all loved it when my dad went grocery shopping. He’d come back with things like Little Debbie snack cakes, soda, ice cream sandwiches, and olive loaf. Although I never cared for olive loaf it was always exciting to see it in the fridge ‘cause that meant dad went shopping!

These days I never really know what to buy when I go shopping. In the end I usually end up with turkey burgers, sandwich meat, bagels, frozen chicken and lots and lots of pasta. But who knows, maybe someday I’ll buy olive loaf.

Or… maybe not. Yuck.

oliveloaf


01
Mar 10

Jack Link’s Turkey Nuggets

There was, in the not too distant past, a profound void in my life. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for exactly, but I knew I didn’t have it. Then one fine day while browsing the snack section at Shopko I found something very special.

turkeynuggets

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Jack Link’s Turkey Nuggets!  I know, you’re probably stunned and amazed right now. I’m sure you had no idea that it was possible to take chunks of turkey, dry them, put them in bags and sell them for 5 bucks each.

These nuggets are delicious. One serving only has 60 calories and 1 gram of fat. There’s also very few carbs, but they do have a heck of a lot of sodium.

turkeynuggets1

Don’t they look delicious? I think it’s worth noting that packaging about one-third the size would’ve been sufficient for the product. *shakes fist at food companies using deceitfully large packaging*

Anyway, if you’re looking for a tasty meat snack that you and your dog can enjoy, Jack Link’s Turkey Nuggets may be just what you need.