Life


30
Jul 10

Things I Learned on My Road Trip

From Monday, July 26, 2010 to Thursday July 29th, 2010, I completed a 2000 mile round trip to South Carolina. On my journey I learned some interesting things.

The floors at the Burger King in Crawfordsville, Indiana are sticky. I don’t think they ever wash them.

The fries at the Burger King in Berea, Kentucky are ice cold. I don’t think they ever heat them.

One of the Burger Kings in Beckley, West Virginia seems very proud of their double cheeseburgers. They charge $2.39, and a buck double in nowhere to be found on the menu.

I saw a mattress discarded on I-64 in Kentucky. I guess it either fell off a truck or someone left it there intentionally. It’s a pretty odd sight driving down the interstate and passing… a mattress.

There was a bad traffic accident on I-64 which left me stuck in traffic for about an hour and a half. Later I googled “I-64 accident” and discovered there are accidents on that freeway several times a month. I’m never driving on I-64 again.

People in Indiana like to go 70 mph when the speed limit is 70. I find this odd. Also, they don’t seem to feel the need to turn on their headlights in the wee hours of the morning on an overcast day. I find that odd too.

And finally, when you’re in a construction zone in Illinois and the posted limit is 55, that doesn’t necessarily mean you can go 55. I discovered this when a state trooper pulled me over and explained that I should’ve been going slower. Thankfully he gave me a warning instead of a ticket.


3
Jul 10

This Is Getting Ridiculous!

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I get a few credit card offers from flirtatious banks every now and then, but this is getting ridiculous.

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Yes, those are all from Citi! I feel like I’m being stalked by a crazy crazy bank!


29
May 10

My Bathroom Is Clean!

I, Mr Nethead, have just cleaned my bathroom! Now there’s two reasons a guy like me would clean the bathroom. Reason one, company is coming over. Reason 2, it’s so disgusting that I find myself thinking, “wow, this is too gross even for me.”

So I mopped the floor, scrubbed the tub, washed the basin, and cleaned the toilet. After doing all that my first thought was, “I never want to use this bathroom again.”

But how can I avoid using my bathroom? I do, after all, live here. Perhaps I could use my neighbours’ bathrooms. This is sorta how I imagine that scenario going down.

*knock knock* “Yeah, hi, I was wondering if I could use your bathroom.”

“Well… I guess so. Is there something wrong with your bathroom?”

“No. It’s just clean and I don’t want to mess it up again.”

*neighbour slams door in my face*


12
Apr 10

I’ve Been Counted!

So a few days ago, I walked out of my apartment and saw that someone had delivered a census form. I was pretty excited about it because I had never filled out a census form before. The last time this country had a census taken, I was 16 years old and living with my parents. It may sound silly, but it almost felt like a personal milestone.

I had heard horrible things about the census forms. I was expecting it to ask me all sorts of nosy questions, but instead it only asked 10 simple questions. I was a bit surprised to see “Negro” as an option for race, however.

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Being intrigued by what I saw, I decided to look the issue up online. Apparently the census bureau opted to include “Negro” as an option because 56,000 people wrote it in on the 2000 census forms. Huh, I guess it’s not offensive to some people.

Anyway, I filled out my census form and dutifully mailed it in the next day. For that reason I was a bit surprised to see another census form in my mail today. Apparently there was one hand delivered last week and that was supposed to be just in case I didn’t get one in the mail. But I don’t think I’ll fill out the census form twice. That would probably only mess things up.

By the way, I also received a coupon for a free bag of Sun Chips.

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They sent me the coupon because I became a fan of Sun Chips on Facebook.  That’s pretty nifty. If any of you other corporations would like to bribe me into becoming a fan on Facebook, feel free to do so.


6
Apr 10

“A Watched Pot Never Boils”

From the days of my youth, I’ve heard that a “watched pot never boils.” Well tonight, I decided to run a little test. First I put some water in a pot…

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And then I watched it carefully. You could even say I eyed it suspiciously. After a few minutes, something amazing happened.

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IT BOILED! Those LYING DECEITFUL WRETCHES! They had led me to believe that a watched pot never boils, and they were WRONG WRONG WRONG. So don’t believe everything you hear.

I hope they were wrong about that whole “money doesn’t grow on trees” thing too.


25
Mar 10

A Wonderful Relationship

credit-cards

Well today I had the pleasure of activating a new credit card. It’s not as though I actually needed a new card, but this one offered some nice rewards and 0% APR for 12 months.

Activating credit cards is always fun. Sure, they could easily activate our cards without the use of live operators, but if they did that they couldn’t offer us their extra services.

The CS rep I talked today had all her lines down perfectly. “How can I help you today, Samuel? May I call you Samuel?”

“Yes, that’s fine. I need to activate my card.”

“Oh you’ve just joined us! We’re going to have a wonderful relationship together.”

That seemed a little over the top and maybe a bit too friendly, if you know what I mean. *eyes her suspiciously*

“Okay sir, your card is now activated and ready for use! Now allow me to tell you about our identity theft monitoring program. We’re very proud of our program and you won’t believe the price!”

She continued on and on for a couple minutes. At that point I’m not even paying attention to what she’s saying. And then she says, “Now let’s get you signed up, okay?”

“No. I don’t think so.” I reply.

“Oh, are you sure, sir? It’s really a very wonderful program and we’re very proud of it.” She continues to blabber on for a couple more minutes. “Now, let’s get you signed up, okay?”

“No. I don’t think so.” I told her again.

She seemed disappointed. “Okay sir. Have I answered all of your questions today?”

“Uh… yeah.” I replied. It seemed a bit odd for her to ask me that since I didn’t actually have any questions. I just wanted to activate my card. Heh.

“Okay, sir. You have a nice day.”

“You too.”

“Thank you, sir.”

And now I guess that “wonderful relationship” begins.


19
Mar 10

Mr Nethead Tests the ShamWow

If you ever watch infomercials late at night or early in the morning, you’ve probably heard of the ShamWow. It’s a super absorbent rag which is washable, lasts years and supposedly doesn’t drip.

A few weeks ago, I found ShamWows on clearance at Shopko. A two pack was under four dollars, so I decided to give them a try.

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In order to test the efficiency of the ShamWow, I decided the best thing to do was dump water all over my kitchen floor.

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I poured a small amount of water onto the floor. Then I tested out the ShamWow.

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It did a pretty good job of sopping up the liquid, and true to the packaging’s word, it didn’t drip. However, I decided I would saturate the ShamWow with water and see how it performed.

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The ShamWow was overcome. When I picked it up it dripped like crazy and my floor was a wet sloppy mess. In fact, I attempted to clean up the liquid with both ShamWows from the package only to eventually give up and use a mop.

So what’s the verdict? The ShamWow is not as magical as the ShamWow people would have you believe. It can handle small spills fairly well, but if it’s anything major you may as well opt for the mop.


21
Feb 10

The Mysteries Of The Universe

Sometimes when I wash my socks, there seems to be a couple missing after the process is completed. I can’t help but wonder where those socks go.

For some reason, leftover spaghetti always tastes better than the fresh stuff. I don’t know why, and I’ll never understand it. Maybe I should just start making my spaghetti in advance.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why some people seem to be unable to comprehend the concept of a car blinker. You’re turning. Put on your blinker. You’re changing lanes. Put on your blinker. It’s really not difficult.

Why do people ever start smoking in the first place? Cigarettes are disgusting. Smoking is disgusting. It’s a horrible waste of money and sort of akin to taking a pile of cash and lighting it on fire. I realize it’s addicting and therefore hard to quit, but why ever even start?

These are just a few of the things I spend my life pondering. They are the mysteries of the universe.


16
Feb 10

Stuff I Like

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I like hotel rooms.

I like leaving my hotel room and coming back to find it clean. It’s sort of magical.

I like ice cream. I like going to a park and eating ice cream with a girl.

I like coolers. They can keep ice cream cold. Also, they keep beverages cold too.

I like cold beverages.

I like Burger King. They have good burgers. They also have cold beverages.

I like sitting next to Leah and occasionally glancing over at her. If I’m lucky, she’ll crack a smile.


15
Feb 10

Maids, Spoons and Other Fun Stuff

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So I’m sitting here in my hotel room in Rock Hill, South Carolina. This morning I didn’t want to be in my hotel room while the maid cleaned it because I always find that to be extremely awkward. I noticed she was cleaning the room next to mine, so I thought I’d go down to the lobby with my netbook and just sit and wait for her to finish my room.

I came back 45 minutes later and she was still working on the room next to mine! So I went back to the lobby and texted Leah for a while. A half hour later, the maid still hadn’t started my room. I gave up on waiting in the lobby and just stayed in my room.

A minute later the maid knocked on my door. So I just sat in my chair and put my feet up while she cleaned. It made me feel like a wicked overlord watching his servant clean. Yeah…. awkward.

This afternoon, Leah and I wen to Walmart to buy ice cream. When we got back to my hotel room, it occurred to us that we would need spoons. I went down to my car to get some plastic spoons, and upon my return we discovered that the little containers of Haagen Dazs included spoons. That was pretty nice of them. I probably should’ve looked at the lid sooner which informed us of the included spoon.

So Leah and I had chocolate ice cream for lunch and Burger King for supper. We’re off to a healthy start!