Feb 10

Yay for Oil Changes!


I think car dealerships should start offering free wi-fi to their customers while they wait. They have a secured network here. I wonder if they’d give me the password if I asked. Haha. Nah, they probably wouldn’t. I suppose car dealership transactions are relatively important and they can’t let just anyone access the network. It’s kind of a bummer though, ‘cause waiting for an oil change is about as interesting as watching a monkey’s backside.

So let’s have a look around the waiting room. There’s a woman in here using her laptop and her cell phone simultaneously. I think she’s actually browsing the Internet on her phone based on her hand motions. I don’t know why she has her laptop open as she doesn’t even seem to be using it.

There’s a TV over in the corner. It’s an Olevia HDTV and looks to be about 26 inches in size. It could be 28, I guess. Someone put the channel on AMC and I have no idea what’s playing. I can’t hear it because the volume is low and I’m hard of hearing, but it appears to be some sort of old movie.

I see a small square table with magazines and a fake tree. The magazines I can see from here are InSpire, Entertainment Weekly, Time and Sports Illustrated. They really should get some computer mags.

I count eight chairs total. They’re not the greatest, but I suppose they’re moderately comfortable enough to sit in for an hour.

There’s a popcorn popper and a water cooler off to the right. I bet the popcorn is stale. Sometimes when I’m here they’ll make fresh popcorn and I’ll actually be tempted to take some.

I wish I had a Kindle. If I had a Kindle right now I could be reading a book. I could even be buying a book! Oh how I wish I had a Kindle. A Kindle would be great. *twitches*

You know what else would be great? Mobile broadband. I just wish it wasn’t so expensive with such ridiculous data caps. I look forward to a future where the entire country is blanketed in wireless Internet and we’ll be able to go online whenever and wherever we want. You know who’s probably not looking forward to that? Charter Communications.

This is boring. I wanna go home.

I bought a candy bar at Kwik Trip before I came here. It’s sitting in my laptop bag at this very moment. I should eat it. Is it rude to eat a delicious candy bar when there’s another person sitting in the waiting room? What if I got chocolate all over my face? That would be embarrassing. I’m hungry though. I’m going to eat my candy bar. Mmmm… Butterfinger Crisp.

Now I’m kind of thirsty. *eyes water cooler* Who thinks I should get a cup of water? I bet it’s cold. I like cold water.

I’m happy to report that the water was indeed cold.

I still wanna go home. I’m going to stop writing ‘cause I have nothing left to say. I’ll post this awesome blog entry when I get home and have my sweet sweet Internet connection again.

Feb 10

The Greatness of Bachelorhood


Bachelorhood is great. Being a bachelor gives me the freedom to do whatever the heck I want. Here are some of my favourite things about being a bachelor.

I can eat marshmallows for dinner if I want to.

There’s always plenty of room in the fridge.

I can get out of bed at 2am for a snack and not disturb anyone.

Sitting in my recliner and watching TV and movies all day is a perfectly acceptable way to spend a day off.

I can go out and buy a 46 inch television without consulting anyone.

There’s really no need to make the bed.

There’s instant access to the shower every time.

And the best thing about being a bachelor…

*drum roll*

I can whiz with the door open.

Yes, being a bachelor is great. But I’d be willing to give up all that greatness for the right girl. Crazy, huh?

Jan 10

Tales of Sleep and Slumber


I love sleep. It’s peaceful, relaxing, a break from the perils and stress of everyday life, and a chance to recharge. I like sleeping so much that I do it every night. Sometimes I even do it during the day. I have spent approximately one third of my life asleep.

Of course, sleep doesn’t always go perfectly. There’s the occasional bad dream, noise interruptions, insomnia, scheduling conflicts and so on.

During my teenage years I had a paper route. While it was normally an afternoon route, the Saturday paper had to be delivered in the morning. I was expected to have my route completed by 8am every Saturday morning.

Well, after being late a couple times do to alarm clock issues, I started staying up all night on Fridays. Normally I would sleep on Saturday mornings to make up for it, but one Saturday we had a family outing and I didn’t get a chance to sleep.

It just so happened that my family always went to prayer meetings on on Saturday nights. By that time, I had been awake for quite a long time and was quite exhausted. I kneeled down to pray, and it pretty much went down like this; “Dear Lord… zzzzzzzzzzz.” Yes, I had fallen asleep while praying! When I awoke, everyone else had already finished their prayers. I don’t know if they all knew I was sleeping or if they just thought I was extra holy that night and praying for a long time.

I also recall one evening when I was soundly slumbering in my bed. I was awakened by mom pounding on the door and yelling “Go to sleep!” Of course, I couldn’t get to sleep after that.

I’ve had some pretty interesting dreams too. I once dreamt that I and my family was sent back in time to the 1950s by the New York Yankees. I was desperately trying to get back to my own time, but my parents wanted to stay because they loved the 50s. And for some unknown reason, I was being chased by the Monopoly man in a wooden truck. It was one of the best dreams I’ve ever had.

Jan 10

I Should Clean… But I Don’t Wanna


I need to clean my apartment, but I don’t particularly like cleaning so I’ve been putting it off. Sure, cleaning the kitchen or even the living room isn’t so bad, but I hate cleaning the bathrooms.

I’m also not fond of vacuuming, even though I have a super cool vacuum cleaner. (Have you ever noticed that vacuum is one of the strangest looking words in the English language?) I guess that’s the downside to having an apartment with mostly carpet. I gotta push the dang thing back and forth, back and forth… blah. I’d rather do something more exciting like watch a slow drip or count my socks.

Most of the time when I do clean, I don’t end up cleaning my apartment 100%. Oftentimes it’s more like 65-80% clean and then I get sidetracked by Facebook for a few hours. “I’ll just take a quick break”, I tell myself. And the next thing I know, it’s time for bed.

By the way, since I’m on the topic of cleaning, one of my biggest fears in life is that my glasses will slip off and land in the toilet while I’m cleaning it. Some people fear heights, some people fear water, and some people even fear clowns. I fear glasses in the toilet.

Jan 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 3

It’s Wednesday! That means it’s time for another exciting round of Midweek Thoughts. *waits for applause*

I think one of the best things about having my own blog is that I don’t have to worry about anyone taking it away from me after seven months. Or do I? *eyes Jay Leno suspiciously*

This morning I had a dream that I was taking a nap in a booth at Old Country Buffet. I was all comfy with my pillow and my blanket and everything. When I awoke, I decided it would be a good idea to eat there, so I went up to the counter to pay for a meal. When I came back to my booth, the pillow and blanket were gone. The staff had thrown them away. This was a very very sad dream.


Writing about pummelos in a previous blog entry was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done. Apparently it’s quite common for people to search on the web using the phrase, “what’s a pummelo?” Luckily for me, that query seems to list my blog entry near the top. Perhaps I should change this blog’s title to “What’s a Pummelo?” People would read my blog and be confused. “Why did he name his blog that? He only talks about pummelos occasionally. And he seems to know what they are. What a dumb blog name.” Now I kind of want to do it…

Jan 10

The Eat and Sleep Diet


Are you overweight? If you live in the United States there’s a pretty good chance of it. Well I’m here today to tell you about an exciting new diet. It’s called the Eat and Sleep Diet.

Did you know that your body  burns calories constantly – even when you sleep? Well now you can take advantage of that! The concept of this diet is quite simple; you sleep your fat away!

Please note that this diet works best for those who do not have a steady job. Luckily, thanks to the strong leadership of Barack Obama, approximately 10% of the American workforce is perfectly suited for it.

Step 1: Sleep through breakfast and lunch. This step is the key! It’s generally best to arise between 1 and 2pm.  You won’t consume any calories during those pesky breakfast and lunch hours.

Step 2: Eat a candy bar upon waking to hold you over until dinner time.

Step 3: Watch TV, play video games, or use the Internet for a few hours.

Step 4: Eat a nice 1200 calorie dinner at 5pm.

Step 5: Watch TV, play video games, or use the Internet for the next three hours.

Step 6: Have a nice 300 calorie snack at 8pm. (A brownie would be a good choice.)

Step 7: Watch TV, play video games, or use Facebook for several hours.

Step 8: Go to bed between 1 and 3am and proceed to sleep for 12 hours straight.

And that’s all there is to it! So what are you waiting for?

FINE PRINT: FOLLOWING THIS DIET WILL BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH. Side effects may include muscle atrophy and an angry significant other.

Jan 10

“But you look so young!”

I got carded at Walmart yesterday over this item.


It’s not the first time I’ve been carded over a canned air duster, but it hadn’t occurred in a few years so I thought that perhaps I was finally starting to look older. I find it funny that at 26 years of age, people can still look at me and think, “Hmmm, he might be under 18.”

I have a young face. The truth is that at age 26, I look like I am perhaps 19 or 20. I’ve been asked my age many times over the last few years and have had some very shocked responses.

I recall  being asked why I was out on a school night when I was 18 or 19.

I remember at age 19 when a girl moved in across the street and asked my age, she didn’t believe me at first. I think she was disappointed because she was expecting me to be about the same age as her, and I was actually 3 or 4 years older.

In 2004, at age 20 I was asked by a clerk at the airport ticket counter how old I was. When I informed her that I was 20, she exclaimed, “but you look so young!” A few minutes later, an airport worker asked my ex-girlfriend if I was a minor.

At age 22, if I happened to be out walking around the time school let out, traffic guards would routinely stop the traffic for me.

And of course, there were always the occasionally people thinking that my YOUNGER sister is older than me.

To counteract the problem, I’ve kept facial hair the last couple years. It does help make me look a little older. I think if I shaved, people would begin asking me why I wasn’t in school. Heh.