Midweek Thoughts – Part 34

midweekthoughts

It’s the final Wednesday of the year. Therefore, this will be the last installment of Midweek Thoughts in 2010. It’s been quite a year, and if this had been a perfect year, I’m sure I’d be writing “Midweek Thoughts – Part 52” instead of Part 34.

The year 2010 was a year of extreme peaks and excruciating lows. I’ve made this graph to represent my highs and lows of 2010.

graph (1)

January seems so long ago now. I barely even remember anything that happened. I’ll give this month a baseline score of 50/100.

My year peaked in February when I went to visit my girlfriend for the first time ever. Score: 100/100.

My dad started to get sick in March, and I started to worry, so needless to say my state-of-being wasn’t quite as great. I was still riding a high from my visit with my girlfriend though, so I was moderately happy. Score: 75/100.

In April my dad was hospitalized. After that things were never the same, even though he came home again for a short time. Score: 30/100.

I visited my girlfriend again in May, and while I was happy while I was with her, my dad was very sick and I couldn’t stop worrying about him. To make matters worse, I got into a car accident in South Carolina. Still, despite the adversity, my spirits were pretty high. Score: 80/100.

In June my dad passed away. Life as I knew it crumbled forever, and it was the saddest time I’ve ever experienced. I still miss my dad more than words can even describe; it’s as if there’s a gigantic unseen hole inside me. I often find myself hoping that my dad knew how much I loved him, even though we hardly ever talked about that sort of thing.  Score: –100/100.

In July my girlfriend came to visit me. We had a lot of fun together: such as the zoo, the circus, various parks and beaches, and so on. She lifted my spirits, and I loved having her here, but I was still in great agony over the loss of my dad. Score: 70 out of a 100.

August was not a great month. In addition to grieving over my dad, I now had to deal with the fact that was girlfriend was once again a thousand miles away. Score: 30/100.

September was sort of a blur. While it wasn’t a horrible month, it wasn’t great either. I spent most of my time working, and have done so continuously since that time. My life revolves around my work now. I highly doubt that I’ll ever again be able to say, “I have nothing to do.” Score: 40/100.

October was another hard month. We started out being forced to deal with some drama at church which ultimately resulted in some people leaving. It was hard to deal with. My birthday came along on the 13th, and it was certainly a day of mixed emotions for me.  It was my first birthday without my dad, and he had always gone out of his way to make birthdays special and fun. I couldn’t but think of all the things he had done for me over the years, and all the thoughtful gifts he had gotten me. My family threw me a party, which was nice. My momma bought me a Kindle from Amazon which was totally unexpected and cool. I had wanted one for a long time. Score: 30/100.

November was an average month. The highlight of the month was sending my girlfriend presents and flowers for her birthday.  Score: 40/100.

December was a month of personal growth and challenges. I’ve been inundated with work, which is fine, although I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever be able to get it all done. I also challenged myself to spend only $100 on food this month and it looks like I’m going to be successful. I’m sure that when Saturday gets here I’ll be brimming with a sense of accomplishment. Score: 40/100.

Yes, 2010 was quite a year. It is full of memories that will last forever and some I’d rather forget. As this year comes to a close, I can’t help but think about how it was the last year my dad was alive here on earth. I wish I had spent more time with him. I’m always going to miss him.

I’ve also realized that I am completely and utterly helpless without God. These days I’m often up late at night, unable to sleep, and I just lay in bed and tell all my thoughts to the Lord. I know that it is only through His strength that I’ve been able to get as far as I have and accomplish the things I’ve accomplished. I’m trusting that He will continue to mend my heart and that 2011 will be a great year.

Thanks for reading.

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