I just wanted to send you a follow-up to last week’s letter. You’re still shamelessly wasting hours of my time every day, and I’m just as upset as I was about it last week.
Thanks to sites like Hulu, Netflix, and Youtube, I could watch video online for the rest of my life and never run out of stuff to watch. How dare you overwhelm me with all this selection! Not only that, but you’re putting cable companies at risk by giving away what they want to charge an arm and a leg for. I need a big cable company in my life to complain about! After all, complaining about crappy cable service has been an American tradition for decades! Way to ruin American tradition, Internet.
And nice job killing off the newspapers, murderer! Now that I can access my news instantly from literally hundreds of different sources, I no longer need the germ infested newspaper that the paper boy sneezed all over. Thanks a lot!
And you and your freaking online stores. Did you know that I once bought a candle shaped like a pineapple online? Do you know WHY I bought a candle shaped like a pineapple? Because I could, that’s why! I don’t even like pineapples very much!
Oh how I loathe thee, Internet.
Sincerely,
Mr Nethead – Your Biggest Fan
Tags: cable tv, dear internet, hulu, internet, Netflix, newspapers, pineapple candle, pineapples, youtube