Amazon.com has all sorts of fun bacon items you can buy. Such as:
A bacon scented air freshener!
Bacon flavored jelly beans!
Bacon lip balm!
Bacon mints!
Bacon bandages!
Bacon wallet!
There’s other fun bacon items at Amazon too. Items such as gummy bacon, bacon gumballs, bacon flavored floss, bacon lollipops, and perhaps the weirdest bacon item of them all, bacon. (in bit form.)
Good news everyone! It’s time for the fifth installment of Midweek Thoughts.
Last week, Apple announced an extra-large iPod Touch that they renamed “iPad.” For a mere $499 to $829 (depending on features) you can own a 9.7 inch tablet “computer” that doesn’t multitask, support Adobe Flash, or even provide a USB port. And if you decide you want to load pictures from your camera, you’ll have to purchase a special camera adapter. I bet that adapter is really pretty and shiny. Great job naming the useless product too, Apple. Now every time women see an iPad they’ll be reminded of feminine hygiene products. Yay.
Sometimes when I order a bunch of stuff from Amazon, they’ll randomly ship one of the items through Fedex. This annoys me because then I get stuck waiting for two different delivery guys. But on the bright side, Fedex has never mangled a package of mine, so I’m fairly confident that my nifty new cooler will arrive safely.
The Fedex guy was just here delivering a package, but it wasn’t for me. Darn it! Their website claims my package is out for delivery. Are they really dispatching two different trucks to the same location? I guess that explains why their rates are so high.
The second Fedex guy was just here. Now I’m happy.
Dear Internet,
I’m writing to complain about all the time I am wasting on you. When I wake in the morning, my first urge is not to eat breakfast, but rather check my Facebook. I am disgusted by the addictive nature of this social networking site and demand an apology… right after I check the latest status updates.
Furthermore, I am outraged by Amazon.com’s low low prices. This causes me to spend more money than I probably should, because shopping there is so easy, convenient and affordable.
Thanks to sites like Newegg, Tom’s Hardware, CNET, Engadget and Gizmodo, I find myself wasting hours staring, drooling, and lusting after the latest tech gear. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves – blatantly parading the latest and greatest tech toys, and filling my mind with fantasies of a mansion full of all that wonderful stuff.
And because of despicable sites like Google and Wikipedia, I now have constant access to information. I endlessly find myself having questions that need to be answered, such as “Which episodes of The Simpsons did Conan O’Brien write?”, “What is Aaron Rodgers middle name?”, “What is the scientific name of the almond?” It’s a miracle that I get any sleep at all!
So Internet, in closing I just want to say, you suck!
Sincerely,
Mr Nethead – Your Biggest Fan