Posts Tagged: facebook


8
Dec 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 31

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It’s Wednesday for another forty minutes or so. That means I still have time for Midweek Thoughts. What would happen if I decided to write a Midweek Thoughts entry on a Thursday? I suppose I would have to call it “Late Week Thoughts.” Of course, if I wrote the entry on Friday, I could call it “Weekend Thoughts.” I think it’s best to avoid both of those scenarios though. Otherwise I’d be forced to create a new graphic, and who wants to create graphics at the end of the week?

I’ve decided that I really like the font used here on my blog. In fact, I like it so much that I think I’ll use it in my book. (Whenever I get around to writing one.) The font is called Georgia, in case anyone was wondering.

Speaking of books, I’ve been thinking about compiling a book entitled “Status.” It would simply be a collection of Facebook status messages that I’ve posted over the years. Several people have told me that they enjoy my status messages, so perhaps people would be willing to pay a few bucks for such a compilation.

I would love to own a home someday. I would especially love to own a home without signing a mortgage first. Perhaps I could use the money from my book sales to finance that goal. Of course, I do have a Plan B if my book should flop. I won’t go into the intricate details of the plan in this blog since it’s top secret and confidential. Let’s just say that its code name is “Paper Route.”


12
Apr 10

I’ve Been Counted!

So a few days ago, I walked out of my apartment and saw that someone had delivered a census form. I was pretty excited about it because I had never filled out a census form before. The last time this country had a census taken, I was 16 years old and living with my parents. It may sound silly, but it almost felt like a personal milestone.

I had heard horrible things about the census forms. I was expecting it to ask me all sorts of nosy questions, but instead it only asked 10 simple questions. I was a bit surprised to see “Negro” as an option for race, however.

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Being intrigued by what I saw, I decided to look the issue up online. Apparently the census bureau opted to include “Negro” as an option because 56,000 people wrote it in on the 2000 census forms. Huh, I guess it’s not offensive to some people.

Anyway, I filled out my census form and dutifully mailed it in the next day. For that reason I was a bit surprised to see another census form in my mail today. Apparently there was one hand delivered last week and that was supposed to be just in case I didn’t get one in the mail. But I don’t think I’ll fill out the census form twice. That would probably only mess things up.

By the way, I also received a coupon for a free bag of Sun Chips.

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They sent me the coupon because I became a fan of Sun Chips on Facebook.  That’s pretty nifty. If any of you other corporations would like to bribe me into becoming a fan on Facebook, feel free to do so.


22
Mar 10

Facebook’s Top News

Facebook recently changed their layout. Among the changes was the addition of a “Top News” feed. So here’s what I learned from today’s Top News on Facebook.

Victoria and Becky commented on Renee’s status.

Becky has moved up to level 39 in Farmville.

Amber commented on her own status.

Sonny commented on Anna G’s status.

Heather commented on Kevin’s status.

Anna M is craving Girl Scout cookies.

Anna G and Sonny commented on Hannah’s status.

Tyler commented on his own status.

Julie commented on her own photo.

Sarah thinks Dr Seuss rocks.

Kevin posted a photo mocking the Obama White House.

Nathaniel has decided that the Farmville stallions are gay.

Kevin and 5 other friends commented on Tonita’s status.

Anna G is excited about the sun shining.

Laura is giving away gold in Farmville to celebrate St Patrick’s Day.

Matt has loaded the majority of his CDs into his iTunes library.

Heather wishes she had the week off.

As I’m sure you all can see, the Top News on Facebook is very very exciting. I for one, wish to thank Facebook from the top of my heart.


17
Mar 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 11

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In a recent news article circulating on the net, it was revealed that cops and law enforcement personnel are creating fake Facebook and MySpace profiles and “friending” suspects. It seems like we’re hearing more and more stories about criminals who get caught because they put too much info on Facebook. I think they should create a new social network just for criminals. Maybe they could call it ThugSpace and it could be advertised as “100% cop free.” It would, of course, be covertly run by cops.

I had some cheesy tater tots yesterday. They were pretty good. I must confess though, I cannot eat tater tots without thinking of Napoleon Dynamite. That movie is inspiring. Perhaps I should build my girlfriend a cake.

For all you out there who preordered the iPad, I’ve got one word for you. SUCKERS. You know, I was thinking about it and I think the iPad may eventually be a cool product. (Unfortunately, it will still probably be called the “iPad.”) The first generation iPad lacks so many features though, you’d pretty much have to be a chump to buy it. Heck, you can’t even browse 85 of the top 100 websites on the Internet properly because the iPad doesn’t support Flash. But Apple always intentionally holds back features so they can get their fanboys to buy each new model of each new product. What a scam.

Buying an iPad becomes even sillier when we consider that HP is set to release a tablet later this year. It’s called the HP Slate and will feature the full Windows 7 operating system. (In comparison, the iPad runs the iPhone OS. *chortle*) It will have a USB port too. (The iPad won’t have a USB port though, ‘cause if it did people wouldn’t have to buy special camera connectors and such. )

Check out this teaser video for the Slate. It’s just as pretty as the iPad but you can actually do normal Internet stuff on it like watch videos on Hulu. *gasp*


12
Feb 10

A Post For Farmville Haters

It’s come to my attention that a lot of people who do not play Farmville on Facebook really really hate all the Farmville notifications in the Facebook stream. What non-players may not realize is that these notifications play a crucial part in the game.

Through those notifications we collect bonuses, rare animals, and special objects. There is no other way to obtain some of these items. Therefore, when a person posts such notifications, they’re doing all the other Farmville players a favor.

Now I can empathize with non-players and understand that this constant stream of irrelevant notifications may be cumbersome and annoying. Luckily you can hide such postings and prevent them from appearing in your stream.

Simply find a Farmville notification such as this one.

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When you hover over the right corner of the notification with your mouse, you will see a hide button. Click on it, and you will see a dialog box like this one.

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Click on Hide Farmville. Now you’ll never have to worry about another Farmville post in your Facebook stream and you don’t have to whine and complain about Farmville players anymore. Yay! (By the way, since I didn’t want to hide Monica or Farmville, I clicked cancel.)

This tip also works on Cafe World, Mafia Wars and any other application you deem annoying.


10
Feb 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 6

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It’s Wednesday again! Time for another exciting round of Midweek Thoughts!

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. I was thinking happy thoughts. Then I logged onto Facebook and remembered that they ruined it with the new layout.

When Facebook changed the layout before it was moderately annoying. This time they managed to lop off huge chunks of functionality. Amazingly, they have the nerve to call it “simpler.” I would delete my account and shun Facebook forever… if I wasn’t hopelessly addicted to it.

According to an Associated Press article, researchers in London discovered that boredom can send you to an early grave. Apparently boredom can indirectly kill you by leading to destructive behavior such as drinking, smoking and doing drugs. Now that we know this, all of you girlfriends and wives out there may want to reconsider forcing your man to go to the opera with you.

Beginning May 1st, American Airlines will charge its customers $8.00 for a blanket. Considering the fact that some airlines are now charging for checked bags, food, and soft drinks, airlines may soon run out of things to charge extra for. At that point we can probably expect a $5.00 fee to enter the lavatory and another $2.00 charge if you want to flush.


27
Jan 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 4

Hey everyone! It’s Wednesday! That means it’s time for another exciting installment of Midweek Thoughts.

Facebook ads crack me up sometimes. I suppose if they didn’t, the blatant invasion of privacy would be a little creepy. So who can spot what’s wrong with this ad?

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Wow, it’s a beautiful woman… named Troy. *raises eyebrow* I’m sorry, but Troy is a horrible name for a woman. And isn’t this supposed to be an ad for 26 year-old males seeking cheap car insurance? Why is there a woman in the picture at all? I guess it’s better than the other ads aimed at 26 year-old males seeking cheap hoes.

For those of you who may have read yesterday’s blog and are wondering, Conan O’Brien wrote the following episodes of The Simpsons:

  1. New Kid On The Block
  2. Marge vs The Monorail
  3. Homer Goes to College
  4. Treehouse of Horror IV

Aaron Rodgers’ middle name is Charles.

The scientific name for an almond is prunus dulcis. (Sounds delicious, doesn’t it?) Personally, I prefer my almonds to be roasted in honey.

And speaking of honey, I’ve heard people refer to honey as “bee poop” a few times. That is totally and completely incorrect. Honey is made through a regurgitation process, therefore it would be much more accurate to call it “bee puke.” Mmmm… puke.


26
Jan 10

Dear Internet

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Dear Internet,

I’m writing to complain about all the time I am wasting on you. When I wake in the morning, my first urge is not to eat breakfast, but rather check my Facebook. I am disgusted by the addictive nature of this social networking site and demand an apology… right after I check the latest status updates.

Furthermore, I am outraged by Amazon.com’s low low prices. This causes me to spend more money than I probably should, because shopping there is so easy, convenient and affordable.

Thanks to sites like Newegg, Tom’s Hardware, CNET, Engadget and Gizmodo, I find myself wasting hours staring, drooling, and lusting after the latest tech gear. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves – blatantly parading the latest and greatest tech toys, and filling my mind with fantasies of a mansion full of all that wonderful stuff.

And because of despicable sites like Google and Wikipedia, I now have constant access to information. I endlessly find myself having questions that need to be answered, such as “Which episodes of The Simpsons did Conan O’Brien write?”, “What is Aaron Rodgers middle name?”, “What is the scientific name of the almond?” It’s a miracle that I get any sleep at all!

So Internet, in closing I just want to say, you suck!

Sincerely,

Mr Nethead – Your Biggest Fan


15
Jan 10

The Eat and Sleep Diet

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Are you overweight? If you live in the United States there’s a pretty good chance of it. Well I’m here today to tell you about an exciting new diet. It’s called the Eat and Sleep Diet.

Did you know that your body  burns calories constantly – even when you sleep? Well now you can take advantage of that! The concept of this diet is quite simple; you sleep your fat away!

Please note that this diet works best for those who do not have a steady job. Luckily, thanks to the strong leadership of Barack Obama, approximately 10% of the American workforce is perfectly suited for it.

Step 1: Sleep through breakfast and lunch. This step is the key! It’s generally best to arise between 1 and 2pm.  You won’t consume any calories during those pesky breakfast and lunch hours.

Step 2: Eat a candy bar upon waking to hold you over until dinner time.

Step 3: Watch TV, play video games, or use the Internet for a few hours.

Step 4: Eat a nice 1200 calorie dinner at 5pm.

Step 5: Watch TV, play video games, or use the Internet for the next three hours.

Step 6: Have a nice 300 calorie snack at 8pm. (A brownie would be a good choice.)

Step 7: Watch TV, play video games, or use Facebook for several hours.

Step 8: Go to bed between 1 and 3am and proceed to sleep for 12 hours straight.

And that’s all there is to it! So what are you waiting for?

FINE PRINT: FOLLOWING THIS DIET WILL BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH. Side effects may include muscle atrophy and an angry significant other.

14
Jan 10

Behold the Amazing Gorillapod!

How many times has this happened to you? You wake up, look in the mirror and think, “Wow, I look hot today! I should take a new picture for Facebook.” But then, being alone, you struggle to take a good picture of yourself. You try to balance your camera only to have it fall down. You set your camera on a flat surface but it’s too low and the picture completely cuts off your head. You can end this frustration today. You need a Joby Gorillapod!

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What’s a Gorillapod you ask? It’s a flexible tripod that bends and contorts in just about any way you can imagine.

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You could mount it on a chair.

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Or even on a light fixture if you’re looking for a nice overhead shot.

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And I know how much Facebook users enjoy taking photos in the bathroom. Happily, a Gorillapod can make that easier too!

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Say NO to crappy mirror pics. Say YES to Gorillapod!

The Gorillapod for small cameras can currently be purchased at Amazon for $20.33. http://www.amazon.com/Joby-GP1-D1EN-Gorillapod-Flexible-Tripod/dp/B000EVSLRO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=electronics&qid=1263504276&sr=8-1