Posts Tagged: sleep

Jan 10

Tales of Sleep and Slumber


I love sleep. It’s peaceful, relaxing, a break from the perils and stress of everyday life, and a chance to recharge. I like sleeping so much that I do it every night. Sometimes I even do it during the day. I have spent approximately one third of my life asleep.

Of course, sleep doesn’t always go perfectly. There’s the occasional bad dream, noise interruptions, insomnia, scheduling conflicts and so on.

During my teenage years I had a paper route. While it was normally an afternoon route, the Saturday paper had to be delivered in the morning. I was expected to have my route completed by 8am every Saturday morning.

Well, after being late a couple times do to alarm clock issues, I started staying up all night on Fridays. Normally I would sleep on Saturday mornings to make up for it, but one Saturday we had a family outing and I didn’t get a chance to sleep.

It just so happened that my family always went to prayer meetings on on Saturday nights. By that time, I had been awake for quite a long time and was quite exhausted. I kneeled down to pray, and it pretty much went down like this; “Dear Lord… zzzzzzzzzzz.” Yes, I had fallen asleep while praying! When I awoke, everyone else had already finished their prayers. I don’t know if they all knew I was sleeping or if they just thought I was extra holy that night and praying for a long time.

I also recall one evening when I was soundly slumbering in my bed. I was awakened by mom pounding on the door and yelling “Go to sleep!” Of course, I couldn’t get to sleep after that.

I’ve had some pretty interesting dreams too. I once dreamt that I and my family was sent back in time to the 1950s by the New York Yankees. I was desperately trying to get back to my own time, but my parents wanted to stay because they loved the 50s. And for some unknown reason, I was being chased by the Monopoly man in a wooden truck. It was one of the best dreams I’ve ever had.

Jan 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 3

It’s Wednesday! That means it’s time for another exciting round of Midweek Thoughts. *waits for applause*

I think one of the best things about having my own blog is that I don’t have to worry about anyone taking it away from me after seven months. Or do I? *eyes Jay Leno suspiciously*

This morning I had a dream that I was taking a nap in a booth at Old Country Buffet. I was all comfy with my pillow and my blanket and everything. When I awoke, I decided it would be a good idea to eat there, so I went up to the counter to pay for a meal. When I came back to my booth, the pillow and blanket were gone. The staff had thrown them away. This was a very very sad dream.


Writing about pummelos in a previous blog entry was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done. Apparently it’s quite common for people to search on the web using the phrase, “what’s a pummelo?” Luckily for me, that query seems to list my blog entry near the top. Perhaps I should change this blog’s title to “What’s a Pummelo?” People would read my blog and be confused. “Why did he name his blog that? He only talks about pummelos occasionally. And he seems to know what they are. What a dumb blog name.” Now I kind of want to do it…

Jan 10

The Eat and Sleep Diet


Are you overweight? If you live in the United States there’s a pretty good chance of it. Well I’m here today to tell you about an exciting new diet. It’s called the Eat and Sleep Diet.

Did you know that your body  burns calories constantly – even when you sleep? Well now you can take advantage of that! The concept of this diet is quite simple; you sleep your fat away!

Please note that this diet works best for those who do not have a steady job. Luckily, thanks to the strong leadership of Barack Obama, approximately 10% of the American workforce is perfectly suited for it.

Step 1: Sleep through breakfast and lunch. This step is the key! It’s generally best to arise between 1 and 2pm.  You won’t consume any calories during those pesky breakfast and lunch hours.

Step 2: Eat a candy bar upon waking to hold you over until dinner time.

Step 3: Watch TV, play video games, or use the Internet for a few hours.

Step 4: Eat a nice 1200 calorie dinner at 5pm.

Step 5: Watch TV, play video games, or use the Internet for the next three hours.

Step 6: Have a nice 300 calorie snack at 8pm. (A brownie would be a good choice.)

Step 7: Watch TV, play video games, or use Facebook for several hours.

Step 8: Go to bed between 1 and 3am and proceed to sleep for 12 hours straight.

And that’s all there is to it! So what are you waiting for?

FINE PRINT: FOLLOWING THIS DIET WILL BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH. Side effects may include muscle atrophy and an angry significant other.