Posts Tagged: Thoughts


22
Dec 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 33

midweekthoughts

Well, dear Internet, it is once again Wednesday. Seeing as it is now the middle of the week, I feel inclined to compose yet another installment of Midweek Thoughts.

Whenever someone asks me what I’m thinking about, I always feel pressured to come up with something profound or interesting to say. The truth is I’m probably thinking something like, “I haven’t had a Pop Tart in a while. I like Pop Tarts. Sometimes I toast them, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I have a hard time deciding whether to toast them or not. Maybe I should just flip a coin.”

Actually, I do most of my serious thinking late at night while I’m trying to fall asleep. But don’t you dare try calling me at 3am to ask me what I’m thinking about or I will track you down and… and… give you a stern lecture!

I know a lot of people down south whine about hardly ever getting any snow. Maybe I should start selling snow online. I’m sure there’s a way to keep in frozen in transport. It would be great because I could sell it for a ridiculous price, and the snow would arrive down south where the happy recipient could enjoy it for 15 to 20 minutes before it all melts. I’ll just file this idea in the “great ideas that I will never actually do” pile. By the way, don’t even think about stealing this idea from me. If you do, I will track you down…

and give you a stern lecture.


15
Dec 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 32

midweekthoughts11

It’s Wednesday! That means it’s the perfect time for Midweek Thoughts!

Last night I saw a video from YouTube in which Mythbusters host Adam Savage described how he accidentally went through airport security with two 12-inch razor blades. (Ordinarily this would seem odd, but we’re talking about one of the guys from Mythbusters.) The TSA, whilst using their new fancy-pants, full-body, cancer causing, privacy infringing scanners failed to detect them. That isn’t very reassuring. I think if I ever do fly again I’ll wear these underpants.

underpants

Yes, you can actually buy this underwear. They also sell t-shirts with this message or the text of the fourth amendment of the Constitution printed in metallic ink so it will be visible to the scanners. Neato.

So, I’ve noticed that many of the streets in this town haven’t been plowed properly. I’ve also noticed that many businesses have done a pretty lousy job on snow removal too. I guess nobody wants to spring for snow removal in today’s economy, but if we start seeing more car accidents due to negligence by the city or local establishments, I can’t help but feel that they deserve to get sued.

Perhaps I should have a word with the mayor. Or perhaps I should run for mayor! My campaign promises will include better snow removal and the raising of the speed limit on North Spring Street. Who wouldn’t vote for me?!

As an added plus, I have a lot of mayoral experience from all those years of playing Sim City…


8
Dec 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 31

midweekthoughts11

It’s Wednesday for another forty minutes or so. That means I still have time for Midweek Thoughts. What would happen if I decided to write a Midweek Thoughts entry on a Thursday? I suppose I would have to call it “Late Week Thoughts.” Of course, if I wrote the entry on Friday, I could call it “Weekend Thoughts.” I think it’s best to avoid both of those scenarios though. Otherwise I’d be forced to create a new graphic, and who wants to create graphics at the end of the week?

I’ve decided that I really like the font used here on my blog. In fact, I like it so much that I think I’ll use it in my book. (Whenever I get around to writing one.) The font is called Georgia, in case anyone was wondering.

Speaking of books, I’ve been thinking about compiling a book entitled “Status.” It would simply be a collection of Facebook status messages that I’ve posted over the years. Several people have told me that they enjoy my status messages, so perhaps people would be willing to pay a few bucks for such a compilation.

I would love to own a home someday. I would especially love to own a home without signing a mortgage first. Perhaps I could use the money from my book sales to finance that goal. Of course, I do have a Plan B if my book should flop. I won’t go into the intricate details of the plan in this blog since it’s top secret and confidential. Let’s just say that its code name is “Paper Route.”


21
Apr 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 16

midweekthoughts

It’s Wednesday, that means it’s time for another installment of Midweek Thoughts.

I love beef jerky. It’s a favorite guy snack that’s high in protein and low in fat and carbs. So what’s the biggest problem with beef jerky? It gets stuck in my teeth! I think jerky makers should start including a free disposable flosser with every package.

Ad-Photo-1740-1

Come to think of it, maybe they should put one in every bag of popcorn too. Nobody likes having hulls in their teeth!

I’ve been researching hotels online the last few days. It’s kind of annoying, because a hotel can have bright, shiny, sparkling reviews about how great the place is, but then there’s always at least one review that claims it’s the worst hotel on the planet. I’m not that picky though. All I want is a clean room with good Internet access and no prostitutes lurking about. But yeah, Internet is the most important thing ‘cause otherwise I wouldn’t be able to update my blog or check Facebook!

I am looking forward to getting back on the open road. I feel like I’m a little wiser after my last trip. One of the things I’ve learned is that as often as possible, I should stay on the Interstate. The few times I did get off the Interstate last time resulted in one annoyance after another. (Slow windy roads in the mountains may be cool to look at but not fun to drive through!)

Anyway, I’ll be driving through Ohio next time. I’m excited about that as it will be another state I can add to my growing “visited states” list. I want to visit every state eventually. I have a feeling I won’t be driving to Hawaii or Alaska though. Heh.


14
Apr 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 15

midweekthoughts

Midweek Thoughts! Yay!

It’s a beautiful day today. It’s sunny and 51 degrees, and according to Accuweather we’ll reach a high of 75. My first thought upon exiting my apartment was, “wow, it’s much too nice out to be working today.”

But nice weather aside, it’s a blessing to have a job. It’s a blessing to be here at work today. There are so many people either out of work or working a low-paying job. Meanwhile I have a job that is consistent, pays decent, and allows me an extraordinary amount of freedom in how I conduct myself. (I get to set my own work schedule, vacation days don’t require advance notice, I can take my lunch break whenever I want, etc etc.) Nobody really cares how I do my job as long as the work gets done. So I guess my point here is that I’m happy to be at work today.

Conan is coming to TBS! I have to be honest, I don’t think I’ve watched TBS even once over the last three years. But that’s going to change in November! I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Conan O’Brien is a funny dude and his Twitter feed is hilarious! “Just got the new iPad. This amazing device has already revolutionized the way I use a calculator.” Now that’s a good tweet!

Speaking of iPads, I find it hilarious that a device can be considered “revolutionary” and “magical” when all they basically did was take a device that already existed and make it bigger. It’s a giant iPod Touch. Yay! When all of those Apple fanboys finally leave their homes and try to take the iPad with them, they’ll discover it doesn’t fit in their pockets. This will lead to a worldwide increase in the sale of man-purses. Hey, maybe Apple could release an official man-purse. They could call it… the iPurse!

And finally, it is perhaps the most exciting new product of 2010. KFC has released the “Double Down” sandwich. It’s the first mainstream sandwich I know of that replaces the bread with two big hunks of chicken.

doubledown

Aside from the chicken “bread”, it also contains bacon, cheese and a special sauce.  Unfortunately, I can’t eat bacon (despite the fact that I love it) because pork upsets my stomach, and I don’t care for mayo. (The special sauce is based on mayo.) I do commend them for not putting any vegetables on the sandwich though. It’s perfect for your average obese carnivore. (Or aspiring obese carnivores.) If ever there was a sandwich made with a man in mind, it’s this one.

It’s also good for grossing out vegans if you’re into that sort of thing.


7
Apr 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 14

midweekthoughts

Welcome to another exciting edition of Midweek Thoughts! I’m your host, Mr Nethead.

Okay, so I have a confession. I’m not always the most decisive of guys. Sometimes I just can’t make up my mind about where to go for lunch. I’ll literally be driving down the road not sure of where I’m going to eat. Why just moments ago I was thinking about going out to eat for lunch, but nothing sounded good at the time. Instead I stopped at the store and bought 10 bottles of vitaminwater.

I love it when they have 10 for $10 vitaminwater sales. Of course, I’m pretty sure we don’t actually have to buy 10 bottles to get the sale price, but it’s a great way to sucker shoppers into buying 10 bottles of the stuff. All I can say is that those vitamins better be making me healthy, ‘cause a dollar a bottle isn’t cheap, and that’s the sale price! Anyway, I love vitaminwater. I’m going to be trying a new flavor called “Spark” later when it gets cold. It’s a grape-blueberry flavor. That should be interesting.

One of my favourite games on Facebook is called Bouncing Balls. It’s rather trite and pointless but also addicting at the same time. It annoys the heck out of me that it doesn’t have an option to pause the game though. Would it have been so hard to give us a pause button? Because of this oversight, I can only play the game when I won’t be interrupted by something else. Sometimes I find myself playing the game at 1 in the morning instead of sleeping. You know what the really sad part is though? I’m not even good at it.

bouncingballs


31
Mar 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 13

midweekthoughts

Hello Webchunk Reader. Welcome to another fantastic edition of Midweek Thoughts!

I’m pretty stoked about tomorrow being Thursday. After all, Thursday is the first day in a 3-day stretch of days off for me. (Thursday-Friday-Saturday) I’m considering sleeping way in, and then watching movies and eating Pop Chips. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty excellent Thursday to me. heh.

Today’s modern man has a lot of stuff to carry around. Why just today I brought my keys, my wallet, my iPod Touch, my cell phone and my Sudafed to work. It is for this reason that I’m quite fond of cargo pants. Cargo pants are like the male version of the purse. In fact, when I fly somewhere I like to wear cargo pants because it’s like getting an extra carry-on that doesn’t count against the limit. That’s right my friends, I FOUND A LOOPHOLE IN THE SYSTEM! That loophole is cargo pants.

So we’re supposed to have a high of 72 degrees today and 74 degrees tomorrow! That’s pretty great. And I know how important it is to take advantage of this nice weather and get some fresh air. It is for that reason I intend to nap with the window open tomorrow.

Now if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to eat some fruit snacks.


24
Mar 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 12

midweekthoughts

So they passed the health care bill. This so-called “affordable” health care is only going to cost me a few thousand dollars a year. (Actually probably between $2,000 and $4,000.) But I guess it works out nice for you poor people who get subsidies that will cover your insurance. As for me, I’ll probably be poor like you after I pay for my insurance seeing as I get barely any subsidies and can’t really afford to pay full price.

Oh well, I guess I can cut my grocery bill by only eating ramen noodles and white bread. I’m sure I’ll be quite sick within a few years from the unhealthy diet, but at least I’ll have health insurance to pay for my hospital stays!

In happier news, the weather has been gorgeous lately. I look forward to going for nice long walks so I can shed the winter blubber I gained over the last few months. Although… this warmer weather does put me in the mood for ice cream. Hmmm, losing my blubber could be tougher than I originally anticipated.

Blubber is a funny word. So is awkward. My favourite thing about the word “awkward” is that it actually looks awkward. Heh. I would make a list of funny words if I could think of more, but I can’t seem to at the moment.

I think it would be sorta neat to live on a houseboat. If I ever got sick of living somewhere I could just sail to another shore. That would be pretty convenient. Plus, if my neighbours were ever annoying me, I could set out to sea for a bit and get away from ‘em. Yes, the more I think about this, the better the idea sounds.


3
Mar 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 9

midweekthoughts

Welcome to Midweek Thoughts – Part 9! That’s right, this is already the 9th installment. How time flies.

According to a recent Washington Post article, the United States Postal Service is set to announce “significant changes” soon. Among these changes are, no Saturday delivery, higher postage costs, and slower mail service.  The Postal Service lost $3.8 billion last year. But the good news is they commissioned three studies to the tune of $4.8 million to figure out why they’re not profitable.

Let’s see, the mail volume is constantly dropping, you’re losing billions of dollars a year, so what do you do? Spend 4.8 million dollars on “studies” of course! Sheesh, that sounds like something a government agency would do.

It’s March now. Soon the weather in Wisconsin will warm up to a nice and toasty 40 or 50 degrees. The birds will be singing, the kids will be playing, and the guys will be walking around in their shorts. Personally, I intend to go for a lot of walks in an attempt to get rid of some of this winter blubber. *grabs belly*

Now I’d like to say a few words about colds. I do not like colds! Sure, cold viruses may be pretty but they’re not very friendly. (Seriously, if you look at them under a microscope they’re sorta neat looking.) I don’t like coughing, having a runny nose, a sore throat and having to sleep 14 hours a day. (Err, actually I kinda like that last one.) So colds, in the future just stay out of my life! You’re not welcome in my body!


27
Jan 10

Midweek Thoughts – Part 4

Hey everyone! It’s Wednesday! That means it’s time for another exciting installment of Midweek Thoughts.

Facebook ads crack me up sometimes. I suppose if they didn’t, the blatant invasion of privacy would be a little creepy. So who can spot what’s wrong with this ad?

troy

Wow, it’s a beautiful woman… named Troy. *raises eyebrow* I’m sorry, but Troy is a horrible name for a woman. And isn’t this supposed to be an ad for 26 year-old males seeking cheap car insurance? Why is there a woman in the picture at all? I guess it’s better than the other ads aimed at 26 year-old males seeking cheap hoes.

For those of you who may have read yesterday’s blog and are wondering, Conan O’Brien wrote the following episodes of The Simpsons:

  1. New Kid On The Block
  2. Marge vs The Monorail
  3. Homer Goes to College
  4. Treehouse of Horror IV

Aaron Rodgers’ middle name is Charles.

The scientific name for an almond is prunus dulcis. (Sounds delicious, doesn’t it?) Personally, I prefer my almonds to be roasted in honey.

And speaking of honey, I’ve heard people refer to honey as “bee poop” a few times. That is totally and completely incorrect. Honey is made through a regurgitation process, therefore it would be much more accurate to call it “bee puke.” Mmmm… puke.